Prayer Of The Faithless
by winchesterlove94
Summary: "Dean didn't think he would ever pray again. Sure, it was nice to think that someone out there like God himself would listen, but in the end, the heartache in the morning just wasn't worth it." A one-shot on why Dean has such little faith. Dean-10 Sam-6.


**Hey guys! This is just a quick one-shot that came to me a while ago, so I thought I'd give it a try! The ending is kinda shaky, but I hope you enjoy anyway!**

"Dean?"

_2 seconds later._

"Dean!"

_3 seconds later._

"Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean!"

"What Sam?" Ten year old Dean Winchester sighed, not looking up from the math paper in front of him.

"When's daddy gonna be back?"

"I don't know, Sammy."

Sam huffed a breath up, blowing his bangs out of his eyes. "Well, is he gonna be back by tomorrow?" He pressed with big, hopeful eyes.

"Dude, I already told you I don't know." Dean snapped, his words coming out much harsher than he intended. He bit his lip before pushing away the guilt, and continuing his attempt to understand fractions. He had to have his homework done before his dad came back in a couple days. Those were his orders, and he intended on following them.

The six year old jutted his lip out in a pout as he plopped his chin onto the table under his crossed hands. He stared up at Dean with curious eyes, watching his brother think.

Dean tried not to pay attention to his little brother who seemed to find a fascination in staring at him. When the attempt failed, he tossed down his pencil and pushed away from the table, stalking into the small kitchen.

Sure enough, the sound of soft footsteps padded close behind him. Dean spun around and saw Sam standing behind him, once again staring at him as he rocked back and forth on his heels.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." Dean muttered as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and took a swig.

"Do you want me to help you with your homework? I really, really like math." Sam offered in a small voice.

Dean couldn't help but smile at his brothers' innocence and all aggravations he had felt before vanished. He reached out, ruffling the mop of brown hair on Sam's head as he shook his head. "That's because you're a geek." He teased before heading back to the table to finish his work.

"But I'm really, really, _really _good Dean!" Sam continued excitedly.

Dean paused, considering letting his brother do his work for him. But he shook his head again before replying with,"I'm sure you are kiddo, but I don't need my snot nosed little brother doing my homework for me." Dean retorted gently as he sat down at the table, watching his brother scramble onto the chair next to him.

"But my nose isn't even runny!" Sam objected, wiping his hand under his nose and sniffing loudly. "See!"

Dean shook his head in exasperation as an amused look crossed his face. "Alright Sammy, time for bed."

"But I'm not tired." He whined in protest, crossing his arms over his chest. "'Besides, I wanna wait for daddy to come home."

"Dad's not gonna be home for a while Sam. I told you, he had to leave for a few days on business."

"He's always on business." Sam grumbled under his breath. "Hey Dean!" He continued, excitement replacing his disappointment in a rapid switch of emotions.

"Yeah, Sam?"

"Can I have some Lucky Charms?" Sam asked in an enthusiastic tone.

"Sorry buddy, we ran out yesterday. Besides, it's way past your bedtime." Dean sighed, giving up on his homework and shoving it away. Who the hell was ever gonna use fractions later in life anyway? Definitely not him. Not with the life he knew he was going to live.

Sam's mouth turned into a frown as he stared at Dean. "But I really want some." He pouted, bouncing up and down in his seat.

"I know but-" Dean's words stopped flowing when Sam shot him the dreaded puppy dog eyes. "Oh, come on Sammy. Don't give me those eyes." Sam retaliated by adding a tremble to his lower lip, and Dean broke. "Fine, fine. I'll run out tomorrow morning and buy some for breakfast, okay?"

"Okay!" Sam cheered happily as he slid off his chair. He threw himself at Dean and wrapped his tiny arms around his brother's waist. "You're the best big brother ever!"

Dean chuckled as he messed Sam's hair around, "I know I am." He said with a smile before gently pushing his brother off of him. "Now get off me."

Sam giggled as he took a step back and smoothed his hair down.

"Alright, let's get you to bed. Dad will be pissed if he finds out I let you stay up past 9."

"I won't tell him." Sam swore, a very serious expression masking his face. "I pinky swear." He continued, holding up his little pinkie for Dean to shake on.

The two brothers shook pinkies, before Dean gently ushered Sam towards one of the beds. Sam launched himself onto the bed farthest from the door and crawled to the top.

Dean made his final rounds around the room, shutting off all the lights except for the one in the bedroom. He checked all the protective wards, making sure they were still intact. Once he was satisfied with his sweep, he made his way back towards Sam.

"Alright squirt, let's get-" Dean stopped talking when he saw Sam seated on the edge of the bed, legs dangling off the side, with his head bowed to his chest.

The first thought that instantly hit Dean was that something was wrong and Sam was hurt.

"Sam?"

Dean waited for a response, but when none came and Sam continued to sit unmoving with his eyes shut, he moved towards his little brother.

"Sammy?" He tried again, but to no avail.

Dean's heart pounded against his ribcage as he hurried to Sam and grabbed his arms in a firm grasp.

"Sam, answer me." Dean demanded, using his best 'John Winchester' voice. Sam's head snapped up as he shot his brother a puzzled look.

"What's wrong Dean?" Sam asked in a small voice.

Dean let go of his brothers arms and took a seat next to him. "Are you okay, Sammy? You hurt?"

Sam quickly shook his head, his hair bouncing in his face. "I'm okay."

"What were you doing, dude? You freaked me out." Dean questioned, pushing off the bed and jumping onto his own.

"I was praying." Sam answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the entire world.

Dean snorted once and rolled his eyes as he clambered under the sheets. "That's funny dude. And I'm Oprah Winfrey." He muttered sarcastically, a smirk firmly in place.

A hurt look crossed Sam's face as he lowered his eyes, a faint shade of red creeping over his cheeks.

Dean's grin dropped from his face as he cocked his head to the side. "Wait, seriously?"

"Yes." Sam mumbled under his breath. "I pray every night."

"Since when?" Dean questioned incredulously. "And since when are you Mr. Pro-Jesus?"

"Daddy said it was good to pray. He said God is listening."

"Oh." Dean replied, furrowing his eyebrows as he laid down and pulled the sheets to his chin.

Sam snuggled into his own bed, wrapping the covers around him. He leaned on one elbow as he stared at Dean curiously. "Don't you pray?"

"Nope." Dean retorted quickly, popping the 'p'.

"Why not?" Sam pressed.

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Just 'cause Sam." Dean snapped, reaching for the lamp on the coffee table between the beds and shutting the light off.

Sam was quiet for a moment as the brothers laid in the dark. "Do you believe in God, Dean?" He asked curiously.

"Go to sleep."

"Do you?" Sam persisted.

Dean rolled his eyes and sighed, turning on his side so his back was to Sam. "Dude, don't make me tape your mouth shut."

"I just wanna know if you believe in God." Sam grumbled under his breath.

"And I just want to sleep. So go to sleep, Sam."

"Fine." Sam mumbled in defeat, before sighing and shutting his eyes. "Night Dean."

"Night Sammy." Dean whispered, staring off into space as a memory came rushing back to him...

_**6 Years Ago**_

"Please stop crying, Sam. _Please_." John Winchester begged, as he rocked the eight month old baby back and forth. Loud wails echoed off the wall, only adding to the intense migraine the weary father already had. "Come on buddy, please." He continued in a desperate voice. He was at the end of his rope here.

It had been two months.

Two months since that night.

Two months since his entire life had been turned upside down.

Two months since Mary had been killed.

It seemed as though the grief never ceased. Everything reminded John of his beloved wife. He could hardly bear to look at his own two sons because of how much they resembled their mother.

Sam was still a baby and it tore John's heart in two knowing that his youngest would never know his mother.

Dean was an entirely different story. The poor kid had barely uttered a word since that night. No matter how hard John tried to get his oldest to speak, the kid was adamant about staying silent. With everything going on, it was too much for the four year old to deal with, so he had just shut down. The only time John had heard Dean talk, was when he was holding Sam, but even then, it was only whispers.

John tore his gaze off the hysterical baby as his eyes landed on Dean.

He sat silently on the bed, watching his father deal with Sam with those big, green eyes. He could clearly see that his dad was getting nowhere with his brother. Dean quietly crawled off the bed and walked up to his father. Without a word, he held up his arms with an expectant look on his face.

A small, tired smile came across John's face as he knelt in front of Dean, so they were at eye length.

"Be careful, Dean." John cautioned, his smile growing even wider when Dean rolled his eyes. Of course Dean would be careful. This was _Sammy_ they were talking about.

John gently placed Sam into Dean's arms, making sure the baby was fit and snug before standing upright. Dean smiled down at Sam as he rocked him back and forth, cooing softly to the baby. Sam reached his hands up towards Dean, a giggle escaping his mouth as his tears instantly stopped falling.

John watched the interaction in amazement. There was something special between his boys. Mary would be so-

A sob rose to the father's throat as he turned around so his back was to his sons, tears beginning to pool his eyes. He pushed back the despair as he cleared his throat. When he felt a small tug on his pant leg, he spun around and saw Dean looking up at him with understanding eyes.

"Don't cry, Daddy." He whispered. "Everything will be okay."

This only made John want to cry even more, but he forced the tears back as he knelt in front of his sons. This was the first time he had heard Dean speak in months. "I hope you're right."

"I am. Because angels are watching over us." Dean reassured, thinking back to all the times he had heard his mom tell him the same thing.

John nodded once before standing up, ruffling Dean's hair along the way. He couldn't deal with this. This was all just a painful reminder of what use to be. "Time for bed." He spoke past the lump growing in his throat.

Dean watched as his dad tucked Sammy into his crib before making his way over to him. "When's mommy coming back?" He asked, his innocent mind not processing the fact that Mary was gone.

John stared into his sons eyes, not sure how to go about this. "She's not, son." He whispered. "Your mother's in a better place."

Dean's eyebrows furrowed as he tried to make sense of things. "But-"

"No more questions." John interrupted firmly. He couldn't talk about this. It was time to start burying his emotions if he was gonna get through this. "Goodnight Dean." He finished, leaning in to kiss the top of Dean's head before wordlessly leaving the room, shutting the light off along the way.

Dean stared at the ceiling, before shutting his eyes, and doing something he had seen his mom do often before she tucked him in for bed.

Pray.

_Dear God,_

_My mommy always use to say that if I prayed, you'd listen. So all I want is for my mommy to come back. My daddy is sad and Sammy cries a lot, and I think that gets on daddy's nerves...But anyway, if its not too much to ask, can you pretty, pretty please bring me my mommy? I really miss her and so does my dad. I just want things to go back to how they were. I promise to never ever be bad if you bring her back. And if it's not too much to ask, if you can make my daddy happy. Okay...Thanks._

_Amen._

_P.S. One more thing. Please make Sammy stop crying so much. It's sad to see him sad. So thanks again._

Satisfied that he had done all he could to put things back to normal, Dean's mind relaxed as he instantly fell asleep.

_**Present**_

Of course, Dean now knew that praying for something didn't mean jack squat. You could say a bunch of mumbo jumbo at night, but in reality, all you got the next morning was a big ol' bucket of discouragement.

But back when he was younger, he had prayed. Every single night for years. Every night was the same prayer too. He would pray for him mom to come back and for his dad and Sam to be happy, and every morning he would be greeted with disappointment. Nothing changed.

Soon enough, those nightly prayers became weekly prayers, which became monthly prayers, and on and on until they stopped all together.

Dean hadn't bothered praying any more, not wanting to set himself up for yet another letdown. It hurt like hell, knowing that all those years he had been given false hope.

Then again, he was young. He hadn't known any better. In his mind, there had still been a chance that his mom would somehow appear at their doorstep and make everything better.

But all those mornings, waking up and seeing that nothing had changed, had scarred him. He couldn't put his faith into something he no longer believed in.

But that didn't mean that he would ruin it for Sam. The kid seemed to be chockfull of faith, and Dean wasn't about to go burst his brothers' bubble. He was sincerely happy that Sam could put his faith into something and continue to have his childhood innocence. Although his own had been ruined by the harsh truth of whats really out there, he intended on keeping Sam in the dark as long as possible.

Dean thought back to what Sam had asked him before. '_Do you believe in God?'_

Did he? He honestly didn't know himself. He would like to think that there was some higher power out there to compensate for all the evil. But so far, he hadn't seen any personal signs or whatever. He was a 'see it to believe it' type guy. Dean couldn't run on faith. Not with everything he had seen in his short life.

And as for praying? Dean didn't think he would ever pray again. Sure, it was nice to think that someone out there like God himself would listen, but in the end, the heartache in the morning just wasn't worth it.

Dean flipped onto his back and heaved a breath, turning his head to glance at Sam. His eyebrows furrowed when he saw Sam breathing rapidly with his eyes squeezed shut tightly. He whimpered softly as he curled himself into a ball.

Another nightmare.

Dean sighed as he rolled himself out of bed and made his way to his brother. "Sammy," He whispered, shaking his brother gently. Sam awoke with a start, gasping as he jolted up from his bed. "Whoa, whoa, easy there buddy."

"Dean?" Sam whispered, still disoriented.

"You were having another nightmare."

Sam gulped aloud as the images from his nightmare came rushing back. "I-I was alone... a-and then I saw you and d-daddy and you were both so far way, and I tried to run to you, but you kept getting further and further away from me..." A sob rose to his throat, the mental picture of being completely and utterly alone rushing to his mind.

Dean wrapped an arm around his brothers shaking frame and pulled him close. "Shh...calm down, Sammy. It was just a nightmare. You know I'd never leave you." He reassured.

Sam sniffled as he buried his face into Dean's chest. "Promise?" He asked in a small voice.

"Cross my heart and hope to die." Dean swore with a smile.

A giggle escaped Sam's mouth as he pulled away. "Stick a needle in your eye?"

"Ouch. Maybe not that far." He teased, ruffling Sam's hair as he stood up.

"Deeeeeeean." Sam whined with a goofy grin.

"Fine, fine. I'll stick a needle in my eye." Dean gave in, holding his hands up in surrender.

"Hey Dean..." Sam suddenly said in a quiet voice.

"Yeah?"

"Uhm..." Sam started, fiddling with the sheets. "Can you...can you sleep in my bed tonight?" He asked shyly.

A fond smile crept onto Dean's face as he moved back to Sam's bed. "Move over munchkin." He said, pushing Sam gently to the other side of the bed. Dean jumped onto the bed and dove under the covers, his smile growing when Sam pounced onto him. "Jesus, you're bony."

Sam giggled as he threw an arm over Dean's waist and nestled his head onto his brothers' shoulder. The feeling of security and protection washed over the youngest Winchester as his body instantly relaxed.

"Night Dean." Sam whispered as his eyes shut and he fell into a peaceful slumber, nightmare free.

"Night Sammy." Dean responded quietly, kissing the top of Sam's head once he knew his brother was asleep.

Regardless if there really was a God or not listening, or if there really were 'angels watching over them', it didn't matter to Dean. Taking care of his brother was the most important thing in the world to him. As long as he could be there for Sam, to watch out for him and keep him safe, then he didn't need prayer or a 'higher power' to do his job for him.

All he needed, was his family.

_**-The End- **_


End file.
